Log in

No account? Create an account

Fic: (Not His) Old Man

Title: (Not His) Old Man
Fandom: MCU, Avengers
Pairing: Clint Barton/Phil Coulson
Rating: PG
Warning/Tags: Coulson is not a SHIELD agent AU, secret relationship
Length: oneshot, ~1,000
Summary: Tony decides to throw a party for the Avengers and they're all expected to bring their significant other. Clint's significant other is not the kind of person Tony was expecting, not that he was expecting one at all.
Archived: AO3
A/N: Another fic I forgot to post. I think this is the last one though? Originally written for ClintCoulson Lives!


“You want to have a New Year’s party for us?” Clint asked, leaning back in his chair with a raised eyebrow. The other Avengers looked similarly sceptical, except for Thor, who looked rather excited.

“Yes!” Tony said, that maniacal gleam in his eye meaning he was planning something they wouldn't like but probably wouldn't be able to get out of. “And you should all bring your significant others so everyone can meet them and it will be a nice bonding experience, blah, blah, blah.”

“Did Pepper tell you to say that part?” Natasha asked, not looking up from where she was filing her nails. She looked totally nonchalant, but Clint could tell she was intrigued by the idea of a party just for them, instead of one of the budget-busting, city-wide events that Tony usually threw and which usually ended up being crashed by a supervillain.

“She might have mentioned it,” Tony said, waving his hand vaguely. “But that’s beside the point. And Barton, since you’re not the monogamous sort of guy, just bring whatever chick of the week.”

Clint rolled his eyes. “You do know I’m in a committed relationship and have been for years, right?” he asked.

Tony gaped at him while Natasha snorted in amusement. “What do you mean?” he asked. “Like a steady girlfriend? You?”

Clint tried not to be offended by Tony’s disbelieving tone, if only because he hadn’t actually told the other Avengers about his relationship. Natasha didn’t count, since he’d known her so long. “Yes, Tony,” he said patiently. He paused, frowning, then looked around the room. “Do I really give the impression of being some horndog serial dater?”

“Well…” Tony drawled, earning himself a pillow straight to the face as the others laughed, in agreement or just amusement, Clint couldn’t tell. Tony sputtered for a moment, trying to recover his balance. “I just assumed? But you’ll bring her, right? This mysterious long-term girlfriend of yours?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Clint replied, wondering if he should enlighten Tony about his relationship or just leave him guessing. He decided the guessing was more amusing, at least for now. “We’ll be there. As long as there’s not, you know, an invasion or something.”

“Good.” Tony looked like he was going to say something for a moment, but Agent Sitwell came in at just that moment, cutting him off.

“Good, you’re all here,” Sitwell said, giving them all a small smile. “You’ve got a mission.”


Clint was busy fidgeting with his cuff links again, studiously not looking anywhere but the front of the elevator, when Phil sighed. It was the kind of sigh that meant Clint was being annoying and he needed to stop on penalty of a night on the couch or no kisses for a week. He winced at that, grimacing as he remembered the last time that had happened, but obediently dropped his hands to his sides.
“Clint, for the last time, calm down,” Phil said, a little bit of exasperation leaking into his voice.

“Sorry,” Clint said, trying to keep the whine out of his voice. He was trying, he just needed something to distract him from where they were headed. “It’s just, you know.”

“I do,” Phil replied, the corner of his mouth ticking up in a small smile. “And I also know it’s going to be fine. You have nothing to worry about.”

“And yet…”

“And yet,” Phil agreed, nodding his head. He reached out one hand, the one not on his cane, and gave Clint’s hand a quick squeeze. “We don’t have to stay long if you don’t want to, fuck whatever Stark said.”

Clint gave him a slightly strained smile. “Thanks.”

The elevator opened a moment later. Everyone else seemed to already be there, dispersed through the room as they ate, drank, or talked. It only took a moment after they walked out of the elevator for Tony to waylay them, a mostly empty glass of scotch in one hand.

“Hi, Tony,” Clint said, plastering on a confident smile. “This is Phil.”

Tony eyed Phil, gaze lingering on the cane for a long moment before his eyebrows rose nearly to his hairline, disbelief etched on every line of his face. “Really, you brought your old man?” he asked. “I thought he was dead.”

Phil glanced over at Clint, eyes clearly asking ‘You didn’t tell them about me?’ Clint gave a sheepish grin, hoping Phil wasn’t too disappointed or angry. He’d meant to, really, eventually, he just… hadn’t. He shrugged, making Phil sigh in exasperated fondness.

“I’m not his old man,” Phil said, voice even and emotionless, the kind of voice Clint was sure he’d used back in the Rangers before he’d been injured and discharged with honors.

Almost faster than Clint could see, Phil darted forward, cane sweeping out at Tony’s legs, neatly setting the genius on his ass. There was a beat of silence as Tony gaped, too shocked to do anything else, then Phil walked away, toward the corner where Pepper and Natasha were chatting. Clint was probably the only one who could tell he was limping just a hair more than usual.

“Then who is he?” Tony asked, turning to Clint, eyes still wide and a little awed.

“He’s my bamf husband,” Clint said, grinning widely before he sauntered off in the same direction.

Tony groaned. “Please tell me you did not just say bamf out loud,” he whined. There was a beat of silence as his brain caught up to what was said, then he almost squeaked in surprise. “Wait, husband? You- he- what?” he shouted.

Clint, arm wrapped comfortably around Phil’s waist, just laughed.



March 2019



Powered by LiveJournal.com